Sometimes I think I'm a bit too easy on my children. But then I change my mind and think no, I just love them. When Danny used to say I was spoiling them as babies, I'd always say no, I was loving them. He usually agreed. I bring this up because of one of Owen's fears. He is afraid of a lot of things, it's just his nature. He's a worrier like his Daddy. He doesn't like to ride the bus without Chloe. She makes him feel safe. This is after all his first year of school of any sort. He's excelling in Kindergarten. He just got Student of the Month again and he does great on his work, and enjoys his new friends and the new experiences. Owen gets in bus line before Chloe and when she gets there she says sometimes he kisses her because he's so happy to see her.
Chloe is in the All County Choir and they have just started having two practices a week after school, on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the rest of this month. This means Chloe won't ride the bus home after school, I'll have to pick her up after practice. I don't want to stress Owen out and make him worry (which he would do all day long and be completely miserable), so I go pick Owen up at 3:00 and bring him home, then I go pick Chloe up at 4:30. It's a 15 minute drive to the school. I'm sure some probably think I should make him face his fear and ride the bus alone. I just can't. I don't want him to be unhappy when I can avoid it. It's something I have control over.
Over Halloween a 4th grade teacher at the school had a very scary Halloween monster hanging outside of her room. It was like a real figure hanging down, not a piece of a paper taped to the wall. Owen was terrified of it, and it was pretty ugly. It had no place at school if you ask me. His class used the bathroom outside of her classroom every day after recess. I asked the teacher nicely if she could please move the monster inside of her classroom because my five year old was scared of it. He even cried and didn't want to go to school because of it, and he likes school. She refused to take it down. She said he should face his fears. I thought that was very insensitive. He's five for goodness sake. I am afraid of storms but I don't go outside and stand in one to face my fear. I don't like heights but I don't climb up to the top of a skyscraper. The teacher's aide from Owen's class took him to a different bathroom until Halloween was over and she took the darn thing down.
I can't help it, I will do all that I can to make my children happy. They have enough stress. I will take away every scary thing I can for them. I know I can't do everything for them, but I'll darn well try.
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7 comments:
Owen's only 5?? I thought he was much older. Interesting post. I have no answers. I'm more your side of things - don't press the fear issue. DH is more face the fear type. Brody used to be scared of our doorknocker. Now it's like his favorite toy. I don't think there are any wrong or right answers. Trust your instinct. Oh - and the kissing Chloe at the bus-stop thing? I don't know which i love more - that Owen does that or that Chloe lets him.
I totally agree. I believe that when we give them a safe, consistent, loving place to launch from, they'll face what they need to on they're own. He's only FIVE! Also, I commend you for not going further about that stupid halloween decoration. That would have pushed my limits.
The person here with the issue is the teacher--there is no room for scary stuff like that school, ever!
Riding the bus alone is scary--my son has the option of a bus for special ed and he tried it once. He came home and said he was scared so no more bus.
You are so right--stress is so common right now. If we can take away just a little, why not?!
I seriously thought Owen was 7 or 8! I totally agree with you - I would be afraid that if we MADE our kids face their fears (at a young age) that it would only cultivate more fears and anxiety.
Thanks, girls! I love you guys.
I agree with you for the most part. He's five. At some point, he WILL have to face his fear of fake monsters and riding the bus. He will have to be independent. But not yet. Not yet.
My older daughter was a "fraidy cat" too when she was younger. She still is a heavy worrier to some degree. Sounds like she was a lot like Owen.
Anyways, I tried to be as supportive as I could, to keep her comforted. I think that forcing children to "face their fears" makes them even more uncomfortable and fearful. I know that if I tried to push her, she got more agitated and upset.
She is better now. Either she outgrew the irrational fears, or she keeps them to herself now.
Hug Owen for us! I really like that little guy :)
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